Sharath and Ally

This weekend I will be in New York City at Jois Studio in Greenwich to take a led primary class with Sharath and Saraswathi. I am so excited, but also a little terrified. See, I haven’t really done a full led primary class since almost a year ago.

I love the Ashtanga practice. I love the quiet, the loud breath, the structure, and I love the way it makes me feel totally blissed out when I’m done But here’s the thing, I’m not an Ashtangi.

My dear friend Ally (You should totally check out her amazing blog!!!) is coming with me, or I should say I’m going with her. Sharath is Ally’s teacher. She just got back from her first, amazing, three month trip to Mysore, and for her there is no looking back. Ashtanga is the path for her.

Why couldn’t I be an Ashtangi? Well, for one thing, while I do really well with structure, I love Universal Yoga. I love that every class with my teacher, Andrey Lappa, is different and always challenging. I love the music in class and how it changes the tone and energy. I love the visualizations and mantras. I love the post effect.

Everyone has a different path, and I am so excited to catch a glimpse of Ally’s this Saturday! I am excited to see what I can learn from her teacher in the short time I will be blessed to be in his presence, and I am so excited to share this buzzing Ashtanga energy with all of the people that will pack their mats into the room. This weekend, I will be an honorary Ashtangi!

 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about envy, jealousy, and all of those other nasty emotions we’re not yogically “supposed” to feel, and yet there is something that just feels so innately human (and scarily female) that challenges us to release and let go of these toxic inklings.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali read:

2.33 When improper thoughts disturb the mind, there should be constant pondering over the opposites.

This is one of my favorite lessons, and one I feel like I’ve really begun to utilize in my own mindfulness practice.

I had a moment the other evening. I suddenly became very aware of feeling threatened by the presence of another female. Really, there was no reason, and in a moment of miraculous self-reflection (because how often do we really self-reflect, as opposed to jumping to conclusions, after a few glasses of wine?), I realized I wasn’t really jealous or envious. I was recognizing the beauty of this person and regarding her amazing qualities that I would be happy to cultivate in my own life.

Envy and jealousy can be very strong, polarizing emotions, and we fuel these thoughts by focusing on them, talking about them, and exerting energy of any kind towards them. So, how do we move past these emotions if we’re not supposed to focus on them?

A wonderful guided meditation that my teacher, Andrey Lappa, teaches is to regard thoughts as an old-school film projector. Each thought is its own frame and our mind is the projection light. Often times we let the movie take over, letting the thoughts just fly by. We become engrossed in the movie and forget that, with practice, our consciousness can control the speed of the reel. We can slow down the thoughts and emotions and analyze them, or we can speed them up and send them on their way (try not to rewind!). Allow the realization that you are in control of your mind to become a reality.

When confronted with these recent thoughts of envy, I slowed it down. I asked myself, why am I feeling threatened by my dear friend? Is it because she is skinnier than me? Then, I tell myself, I am so beautiful and grateful for my ability to make healthy lifestyle choices.  Is it because she is more knowledgeable on a specific subject? I am so blessed to be inquisitive and I’m going to enjoy researching this more tomorrow. Is it because she physically goes deeper in certain asanas? I love my body and its miraculous ability to stretch, strengthen, and learn new things, and I look forward to future physical improvements. Then, I let it go. I release the negative emotion and shift gears to allow love and positivity rush in.

Do I believe myself all the time? No. Sometimes it’s just hard to really feel it, but I say it anyway! What we focus on expands, as my mother always tells me, so I’m going to focus on being positive, damnit! (that’s often the literal internal dialogue..) And once I’ve complimented myself, I compliment whoever that individual may be and thank them for being so wonderful and for coming into my life, because without them I would not have just had this moment of reflective self-study.

Footnote: What we see of other people is not the full story. What we perceive as perfections in others may be what they feel is their weakest link. You also never know how they may be using you as a reference point for their own self-studies, so try not to judge and be kind to all (especially yourself).

We all know that we live in an over stimulated, technologically driven world, but as yoga teachers, how much is too much when it comes to social media?

I use Facebook and other social media outlets to keep students up to date with classes, post inspirational yoga quotes and photos, promote my blog, create events, get invited to events, hell, I even found my current teaching gig at PIES through Facebook! Yoga teachers, yoga blogs, yoga events, yoga products, we all use social media heavily and often depend on it to get the word out!

Graduating from Emerson College in 2009 as a Communication Studies major, my degree actually should have listed my major as Social Media Relations. While much of what I studied was oration, writing, and all the classic face-to-face tactics, additionally, we were having to learn how to use social media, and how to do it responsibly.

Changing college curriculum: A true sign of changing tides.

Sometimes I wonder if social media and responsibility can truly be used in the same phrase. We are having less and less control about how we are portrayed in the digital world. All of a sudden my iPhone, Facebook, Twitter, WordPress, Tumblr, and Instagram are all connected and putting out information I didn’t even know I could alert the world about! Our technology is making it easier and easier to dish out information, but often feels impossible to figure out how to use the privacy settings.

As a yoga teacher, there is definitely a certain persona we try to cultivate in front of the class. That’s not to say that yoga teachers are acting when they get up in front of a class, but there is a distinctive tone, presence, and awareness that comes out depending on the class and who’s there.  (Or, if you’re awkward like me, you’re just plain-old you and hope that your students laugh at your lame, corny puns and stories..) So, do you separate the Off-the-mat-you from the Yoga-teacher-you, or do you just put it all together? Do you let your friends post and tag photos of you drinking at the bachelorette party the weekend before? Is it better to be the real you, or to portray your teaching voice exclusively on its own Facebook and Twitter? How often do you post??

I’m not sure that there is a real answer to any of these questions. (Although Yoga Journal did put out an article on it, which must make it an official document) Basically, it all boils down to what kind of teacher presence you are trying to grow.

For me, I want to be real. I want to be genuine and show my students that no matter how “good” of a Yogi or Yogini you are, we are all on our own path. No path is without hurdles of some kind, and sometimes those hurdles trip you up and you fall. I’m not going to stand in front of my class and pretend that I went to bed with the sun and woke up a perfect, happy, shining yoga teacher. Yes, that is what I strive to do, but I am human and so are my students. How can we learn to forgive other people for doing stupid shit if we can’t even forgive ourselves? We are all a work in progress. That’s what life is all about, right? We’re working on our shit, improving our minds and bodies in hope of one day earning a glimpse of that big-T Truth.

I do hedge my Facebook for sure. Hiding photos from my less than Yogic past, knowing that isn’t me anymore. I would never deny that side of me if a student asked, but I just don’t feel it’s an accurate representation of who I am today. Social Media should represent the currant you and help you remember happy times that helped shape the positive person you are today; and I don’t think you even need to be a  yogi to make that change.

The moral of my opinionated story is use your social media responsibility to portray yourself truthfully. Love who you are for all of your imperfections, and if you lose friends, students, or employers you will find better ones, and you will be happier for it in the long run. Just make sure you are being the best you you can be.

Sometimes the universe prescribes exactly what you need: A nice big dose of ego bashing reality.

When I was little, I had chronic ear infections and my poor mother was the one to administer that awful, pink, horrendous tasting elixir of antibiotics extraordinaire. She would pin me to the floor in the kitchen, sit on top of me, plug my nose, and syringe it into my mouth. Now, while that may sound like borderline abuse, understand that I was screaming, crying, and flailing at my mother like the wonderful cherub of a child I could be.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the same way. That sensation of being pinned down by the inescapable cure to life’s nasty habitual hurdles. This time, it’s in the form of being single.

So, I’ve written before about the importance of learning to live solo, like learning headstand without the wall. I really honestly want to be single, and let me openly admit I have had to tuck and roll a few times out of that headstand practice as I found relationships that seemed like I just couldn’t pass them up, but I’ve never experienced one of those potential mates to hold me to it and wind up being a spotter (and a strong willed spotter at that!).

It’s like I’ve upgraded from a headstand practice to the handstand, and he’s got one arm in front of me and one behind. Every time I start coming down he’s there to gently nudge me back to center, and even though it has been frustrating at times, feeling like I’ll never get more than a few nanoseconds of perfectly balanced center,  just like a good spotter he stays as hands off as possible and makes me work through it. Pressing through the fingertips, keeping the legs tight, all of that technique can make you tired. Sometimes I wish he’d just let me fall and scoop me back up, but that’s not how we learn. It’s persistence, tapas, and love of the practice. (Silliness and laughter helps, too!)

My teachers (the ones I’ve learned the most from) have always pushed me in my asana practice. They’ve challenged me physically, emotionally, and they pile on the tough love (emphasis on the love). I dish it to my students, too, knowing that the edge makes you stronger. It allows you to progress faster in your asana and that allows you to get to the inner journey more quickly.

So, thanks Dr. Universe. Your prescription of metaphorical handstands and tough love sucks, and I may kick and scream, but thanks for making it happen. I’m not sure how long I should be on this regiment, or if my spotter will ever be anything but an amazing friend, but I have faith that you’ll point me in the right direction, just like all those other times before.

Shanti Out.

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I recently attend an AcroYoga Immersion with Jason Nemer and Katie Capano at Flow Yoga Center in Washington, DC. It changed my yoga practice, and ultimately my life.

So often when we practice Yoga we are told (and I tell my students), “It’s just you and the mat. Honor where you are today. Let everything else melt away and just be with your breath.” I love this aspect of yoga. It’s challenging and eye opening, but I have now experienced a totally different aspect of the mat- community. Sure, we all have our Yoga community, whether it’s our group of friends who all practice together, our studio, city, fellow lineage practitioners, or whatever you consider your yoga community, but we generally touch base about the practice before or after the actual practice. AcroYoga allowed me to experience that community connection on and off the mat; before, after, and during the practice.

So, what is AcroYoga? “AcroYoga blends the wisdom of yoga, the dynamic power of acrobatics, and the loving kindness of healing arts. These three lineages form the foundation of a practice that cultivates trust, playfulness, and community.”

When I first moved back into the DC area after being gone for college, a few years of living on the farm, and beginning my Yoga and teaching practice at an amazing studio with amazing community in Leesburg, VA, I felt completely lost among the Alexandria and DC communities. I didn’t know where to practice, I didn’t have anyone to practice with, and, quite frankly, I didn’t feel like anyone was very helpful about it! There is so much business competition (Yes, Yoga studios are businesses. Let’s stop acting like it and just admit it.) and I felt that everyone wanted me to practice at their studio and yet weren’t very warm and welcoming….

Now, I love the studio where I work. PIES Fitness Yoga Studio is a small, blossoming studio with amazing community. It wasn’t until I first started teaching there that I felt I had a Yoga community. The only dilemma is I am a teacher there. Despite all of the amazing relationships I have with my students and the great love I have for them, I still felt I needed a sense camaraderie in my practice and away from the eyes of my students. A place to continue learning and playing and not having to be the responsible one. This Acro Immersion with Jason and Katie seemed the perfect opportunity.

The immersion was five days long of lunar and solar practices (therapeutic and acrobatic) as well as lots of strength and acute skills training. We learned to base, fly, and spot.  It was physically and emotionally challenging, but everyone was laughing and playing the whole time. We also learned about touch through some of the basics of Thai Yoga Massage; the difference between hard and soft hands and feet, and we touched each other!

One of my favorite things about being a teacher is assisting, adjusting, and enhancing students’ asana through touch. It’s so fulfilling to come deeper into a posture as a receiver, and to be able to be a part of that realization process as a giver. Perhaps it was this that really allowed all of us to come together in the Immersion- the transference of energy through touch. I’d never been to a workshop that ended up feeling like a teacher training, but that is exactly what happened.

While I began this blog in an attempt to learn to sit with myself and find contentment, I have found a big piece of bliss and happiness in sharing my practice with my fellow AcroYogis. Whether it’s supporting my flyer as a base or spot, or putting complete faith in my base and spot as a flyer, I have found a space that makes me smile as the rest of the world disappears- and I love it.

“Letting go of fixation is effectively a process of learning to be free, because every time we let go of something, we become free of it. Whatever we fixate upon limits us because fixation makes us dependent upon something other than ourselves. Each time we let go of something, we experience another level of freedom. “

~Traleg Kyabgon Rinpoche, “Letting Go of Spiritual Experience”

 

“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

~ Guillaume Apollinaire

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I mentioned a short time ago that I was enthralled in the amazing biography of Tenzin Palmo, Cave in the Snow by Vicki Mackenzie. I have now finished and boy oh boy did I get more than I thought I had bargained for!

The book follows Tenzin Palmo’s life from childhood through the 1980s. At the age of 21 she renounced the world, found refuge in her guru, and began her path as a Tibetan Buddhist nun, being only the second western woman to take the vow. The book offers an amazing perspective of the female in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, a view rarely offered.  Tenzin Palmo, finding herself frustrated with the hurdles and blockades of the male dominated lineage’s traditions and beliefs, persists onward in her spiritual journey. Many of these beliefs, beliefs that women are seductresses, forbidden from certain ceremonies and teachings, and ultimately incapable of reaching enlightenment, are held even by those lamas instructed to lead her in religious studies. Tenzin Palmo battles on in her studies and exceeds all expectations and takes to a cave, 13,200 feet high in the Himalayas where she meditates in seclusion for 12 years. Pledging the rest of her life to working to help women in Buddhism acquire the knowledge and skills that will enable more women to come closer to the goal of reaching enlightenment, she raises finds to build the Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery as she continues on her own path “seeking perfection in the body of a woman.”

While Tenzin Palmo’s life story is riveting in itself, it is the voice of Tenzin Palmo herself, her perspectives, teachings, and insights that add the most depth to this book. Transcripted from Mackenzie’s interviews with Tenzin Palmo, she offers insight to the way in which women  are trained and treated in her lineage. Following her re-entry into the world after her 12 year retreat, Tenzin Palmo comes back to the west in the 1980s, a time at which western women in Buddhism is no longer a rarity,  and a movement seeking equality on the path allows Tenzin Palmo to give voice to subjects that decades ago would have been unspeakable. Her sharp intellect, patience, and loving demeanor make every moment of this book a delight to read.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in Buddhism, meditation, or the rise of feminism in Buddhism. Tenzin Palmos accounts of interactions with other well known Buddhist monks and scholars such as Chogyam Trungpa and even the Dalai Lama.

There is so much here on these pages that I feel I must re-read it. The book definitely brought up things for me and caused me to ask myself some hard questions pertaining to my own path. Tenzin Palmo, while she never really thought of herself as a teacher and never officially took on any students, she truly is a magnificent source of knowledge and perspective. While I have yet to meet her in person, I feel an amazing connection to her and feel an enormous amount of thankfulness that I was able to hear her story and be so inspired on my own journey.

Sometimes being Pitta can feel like a curse– the intense emotions, easy fluctuations in weight, and the bulldozer-esque drive. Yet be it a curse or not, it powers me through life, yoga, and love.

Having drive and commitment is a great thing, most of the time, but sometimes when my Vatta imbalances take over the mind, focus gets pushed and pulled in so many directions it’s easy to get worn down. Luckily, I’ve learned some Ayurvedic tricks to control this– giving up caffeine, alcohol, and other stimulants, eating more Kaphic foods, oiling daily with coconut oil, and using lavender oil on the pulse points when I get stressed– and they put my feet back on the ground allowing me to move in a more linear direction.

Post-holidays, I was so eager to get back into routine and put the Dosha imbalances at bay. After too many beverages and indulgences at Christmas, not paying enough attention to my diet and sleep schedule, I was ready to return to normalcy. Now that I’m starting to feel more like my organized self, I’ve begun to realize that I have subconsciously been scheduling and routine-ing out all the fun!

I find that when I really start going deeper into my internal practices, reading, and really putting the practice of Svadhyaya at the forefront of my journey, I can take myself a little too seriously and forget to have fun! As a yogini, I want to take part in wholesome, practice-empowering activities and limit (or ideally eliminate) those destructive and distracting time consumers.

A few ways to stay on track and have fun at the same time:

1. Read a book!

There are books out there that support your knowledge and practice, but still have real story lines! It’s okay to ditch the holy books and textbooks every once in a while!

“How Yoga Works” is one of my favorite reads!!

2. Take a workshop just for fun!

Try getting out of that teacher training cycle and take a workshop just for fun! Take a workshop with a friend or loved one and try something new like AcoYoga!

I am so pumped for this workshop next month!

3. Get a massage!

If you’ve been taking and teaching tons of yoga, don’t forget to give your body a little R&R. Take care of your body and it will take care of you! (If your budget is tight like mine, take advantage of your loved one and have a night of massaging each other! It’s free and it can be romantical!)

yummm….

4. Cook and eat with friends!

Learn something new and go deeper into your kitchen practice! Invite friends over for a potluck style get-together and try a new vegetarian recipe! Potluck is great because then you don’t have to stress over cooking all the food by yourself and you get to spend time with friends you may not have seen in months! Maybe add a theme to your potluck for some added festive vibes, but just remember, have fun, so don’t pick anything too stressful to prepare!

Ask guests to label: “vegan” and “gluten free” if you have friends with food restrictions!

5. Go for a hike!

Use free time to take advantage of the great outdoors! Grab a friend, dog, or just go by yourself! Maybe you can even catch some meditation time if notion moves you!

“To ensure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.”

~William Londen

“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.”

~Mark Victor Hansen

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